Got these from the Web. Not meant to insult but to enterain. If you are the kind that gets offended easily, do not read further.

How do you make a lesbian anorexic eat?
Put pussy hair around her dinner plate

What do you call a fart in the men”s room of a gay bar?
A love call

What kind of license do lesbians need?
A licker license.

Did you hear that 35% of all gay men were born that way?
The rest got sucked into it.

Why did the boy leave his gay father?
He didn’t want to be reared by a fag.

What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
They’re right! We do taste like chicken!

What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur
A Lickalotapuss.

What’s the new and politically correct name for Lesbian?
Vagitarian.

What do lesbians do after an argument?
They go home and lick each others wounds.

What’s the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One’s a snack cracker, the other’s a crack snacker.

What did one lesbian say to the other?
Your face or mine?

What’s the definition of frenzy?
Two blind lesbians walking through a fish market.

What do two lesbians do when they’re both menstruating?
Finger-paint.

What do you called two naked lesbians in a canoe?
Fur-Traders.

What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?
Klondike.

What is the name for a fight between two Chinese lesbians?
A tong war.

Why were lesbians invented?
So feminists wouldn’t breed.

Did you hear about the lesbian who took Viagra?
She couldn’t get her tongue back in her mouth for a week.

What’s the leading death among Lesbians?
Hairballs!

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well-hung!

Did you hear about the three gay guys who attacked a woman?
Two held her down while the other did her hair.


There are these two gay guys who decide they want to have a baby. So they found an obliging lesbian, have her impregnated by sperm donation, and are simply thrilled when she gives birth to a seven-pound baby boy.

They rush to the hospital for the first viewing of their son, standing with their noses pressed against the glass of the nursery window and surveying the row upon row of squalling infants. Except for one quiet, clean little baby, cooing softly to itself amid all the chaos.

Sure enough, when the gays ask to see their son, the nurse heads for the quiet baby and brings him over for the proud parents to ogle. “Gee,” said one of them to the nurse, “He sure is well behaved compared to the rest of those howling brats, isn’t he?”

“Oh, he’s quiet now,” said the nurse, “But he squalls like all the rest when I take the pacifier out of his ass.”


Two gay men were visiting a zoo, when they found themselves at the gorilla cage. The gorilla was sitting there with a huge erection. Unable to contain himself one of the men reaches in to touch it.

As soon as his arm goes into the cage, the gorilla grabs him, and takes him into the cage… slams him to the floor and screws him senseless.

A few days later in hospital the boyfriend visits and asks his partner if he is hurt. His lover responded, “Hurt..Hurt.. You bet I’m hurt. He hasn’t phoned, he hasn’t written…”


The church service was under way and they passed the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stopped the service and announced, “Who ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate please stand up.”

A gay man stood up and said, “I did.”

The preacher told him, “Since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns.”

Excitedly, the gay guy said, “Well, I’ll take him and him and him!”


An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?”

He replied, “Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences. I guess I am.”

After a short while he asked her what she was. She replied, “I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.”

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”

To which he replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”


Johnny and Jim are camping in the desert.  Early in the morning, while Jim is still sleeping, a snake bites his prick!  “AAIIIIIII!!”

He panics, and John panics. “What can we do?”  After talking it over, they decide that Jim should stay where he is, and Johnny should go for help.

So Johnny starts off and soon encounters a town where he finds the local doctors office.  Johnny convinces the receptionist to let him quickly talk to the doctor.  “My friend is bitten by a snake.  What do we do?”

“What kind of snake was it?”

“It was about one meter long, sort of green and yellow.”

“Whoa boy.  Those are very dangerous!”

“What can we do?”

“The only thing you can do is suck the poison out.  Otherwise your friend will die!”

So Johnny goes back to his friend and starts packing up his gear.

Jim says,  “Well, what did the doctor say?”

Johnny says, “You’re going to die.”


 SOURCE: http://www.unwind.com