When I got home last night, my wife asked me to take her someplace expensive…
So I took her to a gas station.
And that’s when the fight started….

My wife stands nude in front of the mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
I replied, “Your eyesight is perfect.”
And that’s when the fight started….

My wife hints about what she wanted for her upcoming birthday:
“I want something shiny and goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.”
I bought her a scale.
And that’s when the fight started….

I took my wife to a restaurant and the waiter took my order first.
“I’ll have the steak, medium rare.”
He asked, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s when the fight started….

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her: “Not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.”
And that’s when the fight started….

I asked my wife to buy a case of beer while she’s at the supermarket for $11.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $37.95.
She said: “This cream will make me look gorgeous.”
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that’s when the fight started….

My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I asked, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me simply replied: “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started….

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said smilingly.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
And that’s when the fight started….