Received an email from a guy who claimed that he is somewhat in a similar situation as me, being a bisexual and all.

What surprised me was the insights he shown here and somehow felt like he understands me – not that I need understanding.

But his intention for writing is to seek a favor and that is to publish his email which I am doing here.

Hi Kirk, although this may not even be your name, but it doesnt matter really. I have read almost all your blog posts and I want you to know you have a real talent for writing and a great sense of humor.

Being a bisexual myself, I see alot of myself in you and had my share of fun where gay sex is concerned. I can also understand your need for privacy and secrecy. Our need to be discreet stems from the fact that we want to protect our way of life and the people we love – who may not understand us as bisexuals.

We have many labels – ‘affectionately’ given by the gay and the straight people who dont see us as who we are. To them we are fence-sitters, confused, in denial, etc. I guess it takes one bisexual to know another bisexual but dont expect any bisexual to form a coalition or Facebook page just yet.

Personally, I dont care about the labels or the weird look on people’s face when they try to understand what I had told them. To many, a person is either straight or gay. Being bisexual is just too exotic an identity for them to accept.

Some may attempt to understand the term ‘bisexual’ as a seasonal phenomenon where we can be with someone of the same-sex now but will somehow fall for someone from the opposite sex.

My first relationship was with a girl from high school. She was involved sexually and we even see ourselves as being married and have kids of our own. Our parents became friends and were treating each other as family.

Yet somehow I am just as turned on by a few guys as well. I couldnt explain what was going on. One moment I was making love to my girl, the next day I will be surfing the internet for gay porn.

I even, without telling anyone, went for psychiatric counselling to see if I may be gay or if there’s any treatment to make me straight.

The lady I spoke me introduced me to the term ‘bisexual’, and all the ideas and complexity about being bisexual. I also did my own research.

I also told my long-time sweetheart about my ‘condition’. She thought it was just a phase I am going through and she was patient and understanding.

But things took an unexpected turn when some family friends came to visit.  He was a professional fireman, and she is a school teachers for special children. They are married and have 2 kids.

To cut to the point, we ended up sharing a hotel room. I was drunk and so was he and we end up butt-fucking each other bareback. It was his first time too I found out years later. Not sure how or why it happened that night but we dont talk about it the next morning and we never did even to this day. It was like it never happened.

All I can remember is that we were at this BBQ and we had many beers to go around. We were so wasted, we had to lean on each other’s side when we went into the bushes to pee. And while we pee, we were looking at each other’s dick in silence.

After peeing we just stand there and masturbated like we were performing that for each other. I just know it was one of those moment when I have the hardest erections ever, and I enjoyed looking at his dick as much as the erotic high I was experiencing.

We thought we heard a noise behind us and instinctively repelled from each other and grappled to stuff our hard dicks into our shorts.

The rest of the time at the BBQ was me fantasizing my mouth eating his dick and me sticking it into his hole. I kept thinking about embracing him and caring for him, and wondered if he felt the same for me.

I glanced at him secretly many times the whole time and I was certain he was looking at me several times as well – even when we were talking about our friend’s upcoming wedding and our girlfriends, and other stuffs.

Noticing that he was saying goodnight, I also made some excuses to leave the party. But I wasnt sure I want to return his glances anymore and wonder if it was just a silly drunken thing we just did earlier and that it meant nothing.

When I reached the hotel room, he wasnt there. In the shower, I wondered if he might be gay, or has secret gay identity, or just want to see if I were gay. That was when I heard him enter the hotel room and the tv being turned on.

Thinking I was alone earlier I did not close the bathroom door. And that was when I saw him standing at the doorway, spotting a hard-on, looking at me through the glass shower door and walls.

Our eyes met and he gave a broad smile, I just looked at him and froze, not knowing how to react. He removed his shirt then his shorts then his boxers and all the while looking at me. I was transfixed – it was like time just stood still for those moments.

He turned to pee – looked down at his sem-hard penis and piss, and I just watched him. He flushed and looked up, walked to the door and stared back, glanced at my hardon and with a quick push entered the shower.

And we kiss, just like that. Something I will never imagine myself doing. Something that will offend me should I see two man doing if they did it in front of me.

Yet I was kissing him, smelling his manliness, the musky smell, that is very much like my own, very different from that of my girlfriend, or another girl. I touched the side of his face – rough and spiky, like mine. His hands were on my waist like I would place on my girl’s waist to push her closer to me.

I closed my eyes and I just allowed my senses to overtake the whole of me, silencing all the sirens that were going off in my head, telling me to stop.

All I know is that I want to feel him, and I want him to feel me too. All the time my head was screaming “what the hell was happening?!?”.

But I have no time for those thoughts I dont care and I just want him to do to me what I want to do to him. Without a thought he was sucking me off and I was just moaning and pushing my hips into his mouth. I was literally fu*king his mouth.

He stopped suddenly and I knelt down to suck him off too as if I know exactly how to, although at times I wondered if that was really happening or were I in the  middle of a erotic wet dream went wrong.

Cant remember what happened after all that except we were took turns to fu*k each other the whole night.

But like I said we acted like nothing had happened in the morning.

Eventually I have sex with other men while continue to have sex with my girl. The guilt got the better of me, I eventually told her the truth and we split after being together for 6 years. She gave the reason that we have too many differences.

I continue to have sex with men mostly and have 2 male-male relationships. Both did not worked out. I am now seeing this girl from my workplace, and she knew all about me – the bisexuality and all.

Not sure how the story will end but I am glad that I have the privilege of knowing that you are like me in so many ways. It is good to know that you are not alone cos I personally find that comforting. At least that was how I felt in the past but I am more assured of who, or rather, what I am.

Take care. And thanks for those stories in your blog. Keep writing and dont let anyone give you shit.

P.T. Lover